Blue Pencil Lunar-Revue

magic in the g-rain terminal, by Lumbago DiStefano

The Wizard makes the scene.

In recent years, Red Hook’s G-Rain Terminal has been the target of trespassing. Extensive measures were taken by Mr. Q, who requested that his name not be used in the “slander about on that rag of a publication you produce,” to keep people off his land.

He-Who-Does-Not-Wish-To-Be-Named (HWDNWTBN) added a concrete barrier to the entrance of the site. Trespassers without magical powers are no longer able to break and enter.

However, the Lunar-Revue sent special wizardling agent Hairy M. Posteur to survey the landscape and report back to this publication.

Armed with his pillowcase duck wand and his cloak of sentimentality, Posteur was off on his adventure. To overcome the concrete wall, he cast a magical spell by uttering “Make-a that concrete soft like jelly!” He then walked through as if it passing into a giant Smuckers jar.

As dawn broke on a random Sunday, Posteur made his way cautiously through the parking lot to the G-Rain Terminal. The most accessible entrance is through the water channel of the Henry Street Basin. A simple mortal would have to plan for low tide, but Posteur made quick work of creating an air bubble around himself and floating right through the doors up unto the giant vacancies the abandon building left behind.

Once inside, rusty old staircases lead to higher levels to corroded wagons that once hauled grain throughout the building. Hopping aboard, he cast another spell, saying, “Go!” and the dram car instantly started going.

The cart rolled and spun through the terminal. When it would barrel down to the descending floors, Posteur would throw his hands up in the air and shriek with excitement. At the end of the ride, he caught his breath, stroked his sentimentality cloak, and reminisced about his first trip to Six Flags with his now deceased parents.

After recovering from his emotional turmoil, heavy footsteps were coming. A skeleton key slipped into place, and a heavy wrought iron door squealed open. HWDNWTBN furiously scanned the G-Rain Terminal.

Posteur stumbled into the elevator shaft. It was devoid of a lift, but he let bellowed another magical cry, “FLY!!!” and off he went. He levitated from the bottom floor all the way through until he nearly bumped his head on the roof. But in the nick of time, he used his pillowcase duck wand to turn himself into a bubble that gently floated to safety. Once on terra firma, he regrew his feet and slipped his human form back into his cloak.

HWDNWTBN stomped up the stairs, but was no match to the speed of Posteur’s magic. The wizardling knew there was only one course of escape. He quickly and quietly shimmied out of the window and onto the roof.

Because HWDNWTBN was only human, and had to climb the stairs one at a time, Posteur had plenty of time to spend on the roof. He looked around, took a few pictures, and ate a sandwich.

He decided not to go out the conventional way because he doesn’t like to take the same route twice. So, he tiptoed across the morning air back to the concrete wall and back through the jelly mold.

“Man, it’s such a big, dirty cool place to break into. I just wish I’d have remembered to bring some of that strawberry jelly entrance with me for my PB&noJ sandwich on the roof,” he told the Lunar-Revue in an exclusive interview. “It’s something everybody should do, cause the place is so rad. It’s like a time capsule. Just don’t let HWDNWTBN catch ya…”

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