Carroll Gardens resident Francesca Van Horne is a triple threat as a producer, writer and actress. She recently completed a month-long summer residency in France where she produced and performed in Stumble, the sequel to Tales from the Trundle (which played at Le Petit Gymnase Théâtre in Paris, at the Ned Hotel, the Courtyard Theatre and Bridewell Theatre in London, and at the Soho House, the Duplex, and the Jalopy Theatre here in New York).
Before we talked about her latest work, Van Horne shared how her life has changed since getting a divorce eight years ago. Dating was different in her twenties. She met her ex-husband by chance while visiting friends in Miami, and he later called her up on the phone to set up their first date. Fast-forward, and Van Horne found herself trapped in an abusive marriage and separated from her ex when her youngest child turned a year old. She got back into the swing of dating, while still dealing with postpartum weight and breastfeeding, and admitted she made some mistakes along the way. Hence Stumble.
“To rediscover your sexuality and flirtatiousness – either as a woman or man – are things that you kind of shut down when you are committed to one person. It’s a totally different thing becoming single and can be really scary. Or at least it was for me.”
Though mobile-app dating wasn’t for her, Van Horne has met some people organically, especially when just in sweats with no make-up on after a yoga class. She’s learned a lot about herself and what she wants moving forward.
“It’s helped me be really specific about where I’m going to put my energy because, whether you have kids or not, we have such limited energy – especially living in New York where it’s busy and people have to work really hard to make a living,” she explained. “But one positive thing about [going out on those dates] was that I could just treat them like an interview. Asking ‘is this person right for me or not?’ and getting to know them and seeing how they behave.”
Penning ‘Stumble’
A majority of Van Horne’s plays have been influenced by events from her own life, plus some true accounts of her friends’ lives. She never thought Stumble would be the sequel to Tales, let alone both being one-woman shows. Through journaling, her form of catharsis, Van Horne was able to reflect on her post-divorce dating experiences and feelings.
The play evolved into a theatrical reality from those journal entries and was written in three weeks back in 2018. Unlike Tales, which is dramatic and traumatic with some bits of comedy, Stumble is completely funny.
“People would say, ‘Oh my God, you have the most hilarious stories,’” she explained. “I think that part of the surprise or twist at the end is that it’s all real. Some of these stories are just unbelievable.”
The show follows Valentina, a 38-year-old single mother who has traded in triple espressos for flat whites, as she makes her way through real life and in the world of Bumble dating. Besides Valentina, Van Horne also plays different characters – including Bradley Cooper, a British best friend and a Latina housekeeper to name a few – in the 45-minute-long show.
“When I do the deep emotional work, that speaks for itself because the emotions are just there,” she said. “With the comedy, I have to keep it really sharp so that it doesn’t become monotonous. So, in some ways, it’s harder to make people laugh or to make them cry for me.”
Looking for love abroad
Having spent time in Europe, Van Horne confessed that she has had some wonderful love experiences in France – with some working out longer than others. She’s found that European men, especially the French, are extremely gentlemanly and approach romance differently, compared to Americans.
“Almost every man I’ve dated who was French was very open from the very beginning that they want you, there’s no game. They’re very clear that they want to see you every day from that moment on until it doesn’t work anymore,” Van Horne explained. “There’s also a freedom that I always feel in being completely myself there, meaning I don’t have to fit into a certain box. Maybe some of my French girlfriends wouldn’t agree with this, but I do feel like the French look at women as an equal, rather than ‘I’m going to make her my little wifey and she’s my possession.’”
Since her divorce, Van Horne said she has fallen in love just once.
Dating advice and Valentine’s Day survival tips
Van Horne used her frequent flyer miles to take a flight to Paris alone on the first Valentine’s Day after the divorce.
“Let me I’ll tell you, that was the best thing I could have done,” she said. “It was the farthest thing from [being] miserable or feeling left out because I was doing something completely romantic for myself.”
It’s an action like that one that Van Horne urges others, who are a similar position, to plan out and splurge on. Though it may sound cliché, she believes the best way to attract love is to fall completely in love with yourself and to treat yourself how you would want someone who’s crazy about you to treat you. “Instead of being hard on yourself like saying, ‘Oh you don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day,’ it should be, ‘No, it’s because you don’t want to waste your time because you’re too precious,’” she said.
In terms of what she’s learned from her journey of finding love and navigating digital dating post-divorce, Van Horne offered three key tips. She recommended setting aside a specific amount of time per day or per week for dating app usage, instead of constantly being on it. Then, when it comes to making first date plans, coffee is always a good idea. “You’ll know within five seconds whether you like them or not. If you sign up for dinner or even drinks [and you’re not clicking with the other person], the date can go on and feel like forever,” she added. Finally, she said you’ll notice an energy percolate around you because you’re putting good vibes out there – which will naturally draw people in.
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