Valentine’s Day is about self-love and self-reflection, too

It’s never easy when you’ve just gotten out of a relationship and see giant teddy bears and heart-shaped candies on display this time of year. Valentine’s Day, for some, can be a reminder of heartbreak; but for others, it can be the perfect time to start anew.

We spoke with psychotherapist Rachel Moheban-Wachtel, LCSW, of The Relationship Suite, a counseling service in Midtown Manhattan. Her expertise is breakup and divorce counseling, which helps many work on their relationship issues, heal and move forward. Moheban-Wachtel has found that, while some people who get divorced feel a sense of relief, that doesn’t mean they don’t go through a mourning process.

“Whether you were in a happy marriage or not, it’s very important to really acknowledge where you’re at and do some mourning. A lot of times the difficulty depends on how long you were in the relationship and how severe the break up was,” she said.

Moheban-Wachtel shared her advice on how to make the most out of Valentine’s Day, post-divorce.

• Work on detaching from your ex: “Work on developing your sense of self – separate from that relationship – because, sometimes, so much of your identity is mixed in with that relationship.”
• Be open to self-reflection and discovery: “Learn the valuable lessons from your relationship. Reflect on: What kind of issues did we have and why did we have them? What were my issues that affected the relationship both in a negative way and in a positive way? What do I need to own up to and work on, so I don’t make the same mistakes again?”
• Use the day to reinvent yourself: “Think about love in a whole new way. Set some goals for the New Year. Maybe that means ‘I’m going to get ready and go out and date.’ Maybe it means ‘I’m not ready yet, so I want to celebrate this day with my friends.’ Maybe it’s ‘I want to do a spa day by myself’ or ‘I want to get my career going.’”