Welcome to Asked and Answered: Parenting Edition by Mali

I am your parenting expert, Mali List Mayer. I am a mom, solopreneur, doggy mama, and homeowner. Learning to juggle all this taught me that my 30+ years of studying productivity and time management was essential to parenting. For over 13 years, I have helped other parents see this by teaching them productivity and time management skills. I love seeing when a parent understands that managing her/his day-to-day helps them be a better a parent. Here’s the formula: Managing your day = less stress = calmer (better) parenting. Hey, I walk the walk and talk the talk as the HeartFull Coach.

We all know June is the month of dads.

Dear Mali:
Currently, my biggest pitfall as a father is patience. As a new father I have to remember that my daughter is only two and is reacting the best she can. Although my wife and I have to teach her the correct behavior, patience is going to be a crucial factor in that. How do I develop patience?
Thanks,
Impatient Dad

Dear Impatient Dad:
My dad would have said he suffered from impatience too. Hence the family story that he found out about my high school boyfriend the day we broke up. At one point my dad was the teenage boy taking the girl out.

However, he had little patience for the drama of teenage romances (he was loath to admit that he didn’t want his girls to grow up). To develop patience, you could start meditating, practice breathing exercises, or create a calming mantra like “wine, please.”

The most important way to develop patience is to accept what you have no control over, meet people where they’re at and remember a 3-year-old might think it’s funny to push your buttons. I was not a patient person before I had my daughter and now that she is a young adult, I would say I have just a little.

Before you light candles, get an essential oil diffuser, or fill your space with plants to create a peaceful environment to cultivate patience, remember you have to water all those plants.

What works for me is breathing exercises. Your kids will test your patience, and when they do, keep calm, use your indoor voice, and say, “I’m the dad and I said so.”

Heartfully,
Coach Mali

June is also national safety month.

Dear Mali:
I’m worried about my child riding the subway alone. She is 12 years old. I’m not from NYC and wasn’t allowed to ride my bike to friends’ houses alone until I was 13 years old. She says her friends are allowed to ride alone. What’s your thought?
Thanks,
Worried Mama

Dear Worried Mama:
I was 13 when I was allowed to ride the subway alone. Remember this is well before cell phones. I would ride the train to the upper east side for the orthodontist and my paternal grandmother would meet me and take me for a treat afterwards. I asked some mom friends how old their kids were when they allowed solo subway riding, and the overwhelming response was 13 too. My daughter started in 7th grade.

When she rode the subway to and from school, she was in a group which helped her to develop a sense of how to be safe on the train. Now as a young adult she is confident and safe solo subway rider. Some of my mom friends even said they shadowed their kids at least once if not a few times to make sure they were being safe. The way to be safe on the subway is to notice your surroundings and the people in them and to find one person who looks like he/she would be helpful if needed.

Also, my daughter and I are connected on the “Find My” app and have been for many years. This way I can see she has arrived at her destination safely. Thank goodness for cell phones!
Heartfully,
Coach Mali

To reach Mali with your burning parenting questions, email her at [email protected]. You can also send responses and additional parenting tips to my email.