Beware, Its F-Boy & Trife-Gyaal Season, by Roderick Thomas

To be an F-boy or a Trife-gyaal

So what the heck is an F-boy or Trife-gyaal? Pronounced, [eff- boy] and [try-ff-guh-yaal], shortened versions of, F*ck Boy and Trifling Girl. How do either of these terms impact your fall/winter? Ladies, gents and distinguished non-binaries, you’re about to find out. An F-boy and their Trife-gyaal counterpart are creatures that live all over New York City (and other cities), especially in Bed-Stuy, Harlem, Long Island and the Upper West Side. These entities are notorious for wasting your precious time and energy–––unanswered messages or relentless “heyy” texts on a full moon.

As we move further into fall, be on the lookout, this could be the worst F-boy fall, Trife-gyaal season in decades.   Before we discuss the various species of ‘F’ and Trife, here are some rules.

F-boys and Trife-gyaals are irrationally scared of two things… truth and accountability. Therefore, keep those things very close. Protect yourself this F-boy/Trife-gyaal season. Now, here are some species of F-boys and Trife-gyaals:

THE F-BOY BEARD

All your lives you’ve been indoctrinated your whole life to accept these well-groomed bearded types. Which thick-bearded man neglects you the whole year, then shows up in winter? Santa, yes people, him too. Where was Mrs. Clause while he was hanging out with some woman singing ‘Santa Baby?’ Watch out for these perfectly tapered, faux lumberjacks. They may wear plaid and claim to love drinking whiskey…but it’s a lie.

I GET BORED EASILY

This phrase may seem innocent, but don’t be fooled, this is an indicator of someone who wants you to be their entertainment. In the fall, F-boys and Trife-gyaals become increasingly bored. No summer festivals, brunches, or warm outings, these creatures will want nothing more than to “chill.” Beware of requests to chill this season, especially when preceded by the name of any streaming service ie. Spotify and chill, Netflix and chill, Hulu and chill.

UNSOLICITED PICS

It’s 12:00 am and suddenly your phone lights up and vibrates. You open up your phone, only to see an unsolicited nude from a potential romantic interest or complete stranger. I’m so sorry, but this is a clear sign that you’ve encountered a basic, low-level F-boy. Close your phone, sleep well, and in the morning send a few laughing emojis and never respond again!

PATRIARCHY PETE

This brand of F-boy wants you to fall in line with every traditional role… to your detriment. If Patriarchy Pete demands a submissive/dominant relationship dynamic, I suggest you move on. These jerks are the types to man-spread on public transportation. “Manhood” doesn’t require you to do a full split on the train. To sum it up, these types live to dominate you, but that won’t be happening this fall, not on my watch!

FAKE VEGANS

These time wasters are known to dwell in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. They scream at you about veganism and recycling then break their newly found two-day vegan ‘lifestyle’ to eat all the pork in the land, with any plastic utensils they can find. Who needs that kind of hypocrisy? Not you boo…not you.

PATRIARCHY PATTY

Who is Pete without Patty? Pete probably doesn’t give a damn, but Patty sure wants him to. This Trife-gyaal is known for saying things like “I don’t really hang out with girls,” “I’m not like most girls.” She does everything to be the ideal girl for the Petes of the world. Here’s a tip, go find the girls she doesn’t like to hang out with and hang out with them instead.

YOU COMPLETE ME

F-boys and Trife-gyaals are very fond of phrases like, “I’m looking for my better half,” and “you complete me.” If you ever hear this, remind them that neither Tom Cruise nor them being half a person is your issue. You, my darling, are a whole human being who deserves another whole human being.

THE TUCK

If you encounter anyone in any sort of preliminary romantic setting, a date perhaps, and their shirt looks like the picture above, back away slowly. If they don’t know whether to keep their H&M shirt tucked or untucked, most importantly, do they know if they want you? As a result, this style may be a signal of their indecisiveness. Lastly, it just looks dated and wack.

FAKE NERD

These F-boy and Trife-gyaal types are so easy to detect. They’ll tell you (without prompt) how “nerdy” or “random” they are. Yet, mention anything actually nerdy, Anime, Star Trek, or World of Warcraft for example, and they’ll have no clue what you’re talking about. Lastly, wearing glasses and a Star Wars t-shirt doesn’t make you a nerd. These ones are almost as try-hard as Fake Vegans.

 SKIPS LEG DAY

He’s constantly bragging about his bench-press and showing off his arms. However, one glance down is all it takes to see he doesn’t stand for much. If he doesn’t have the patience to grow his own legs, he doesn’t have the patience to grow a relationship. If you meet this creature, they’re likely shaped like the letter “T” and you should run! They won’t be able to chase after you, I promise.

 ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP?

It’s a shame you have to ask this question when being approached romantically. However, these F-boys and Trife-gyaals are as shady as they come. If by chance they didn’t exhibit any of the aforementioned traits, as a solid line of defense, make sure you ask, “are you seeing anyone else romantically?” And no matter the answer, follow up with a social media investigation. Hell, check Venmo if you have to, you don’t have time to waste this season.

THE KNOWN CHEATER

So, you find yourself fancying a known cheater, who says all the “right things,” and you’re considering dating them. Stop right there! What makes you think they won’t do the same to you. News flash, you’re not special. You shouldn’t be the reason someone else doesn’t behave badly. I don’t expect rainfall to stop because I stepped outside, or Melania Trump to like her husband. Rain falls, Melania hates her man, and cheaters cheat. Move on.

HI, I’M AN F-BOY

Sometimes an F-boy or Trife-gyaal will identify themselves, but only in an effort to seem endearing and self-deprecating. Well, in the event this happens, be grateful and turn the other way. However, there’s nothing endearing or interesting about any of the aforementioned traits. In conclusion, decline their beards, requests to “chill,” cheating, patriarchy, unsolicited pics, leg-day skipping, struggle-love endorsing, fake veganism, fake nerdiness, and live your best life this fall/winter.

INTUITION

So this isn’t a species of F-boy or Trife-gyaal. however, it is an ultimate defense against their kind. This fall/winter, use intuition in times when you can’t quite put your finger on it, but know something doesn’t sound right. People, this is a sign that you should rethink your relationship choice. You’re probably sensing his, their, or her F-boy/Trife-gyaal ways. Take a break and go consult your intuition, trust me, you’ll be glad you did!

Roderick Thomas is an NYC based writer, filmmaker, Instagram: @Hippiebyaccident | roderickthomas.net