Want to meet the love of your life? Come to this Carroll Gardens coffee shop on Thursdays

The woman behind one of Brooklyn’s hottest new speed dating events isn’t looking for love.

“I don’t date. I hate dating,” Loretta Gendville told me over a glass of wine just before a speed dating night at her Smith Street coffeeshop, Planted Community Cafe. “I’m just not good at it. I get nervous. I don’t like small talk.”

Plus, Loretta is a busy woman. She runs three Brooklyn businesses—the coffeeshop, a plant store, and a sauna—and has three kids in her Carroll Gardens home along with three cats, a dog, eight chickens, and about 50 fish in her backyard. 

“Right now, I’m just focused on loving myself, my children and my animals,” she said. However, that doesn’t mean she’s not trying to help others in her community find love.  

Loretta has always had a knack for matchmaking, and proudly claims responsibility for five of her friends’ relationships. 

So, when an employee at her gym shared her desire to meet the right man and start a family, Loretta decided to take action. She didn’t have a guy in mind at that time, but she had an idea. 

“I was like, ‘We should do a whole speed dating night at my cafe,’” she said. Her coffeeshop is “naturally set up for speed dating,” she said, with its plethora of two-top tables nestled between lush leafy plants rising out of clay pots. 

The two women’s first speed dating night was a hit, so Loretta scheduled another. She recruited her friend and former roommate, Berenice (Dharma Summers) Suchilt, to run the show with her. Berenice—a director who formerly spent nearly a decade at the City Parks Foundation—brainstormed themes with Loretta. Critical thinkers and curious souls, gamers and geeks, wellness and fitness fanatics, cougars and cubs, vegetarians and vegans are just a few of their creations.

As we talked, Berenice and Loretta bounced new ideas off of each other: Speed dating over chess boards, a night for conspiracy theorists, a speed dating and book club fusion. Loretta pitched a silent speed dating night—no talking, just vibing.

These might seem a little far-out, but Loretta points out that speed dating is already a novel and boundary-pushing exercise for many people in the era of dating apps. “This is all a big social experiment,” she said. Plus, the duo’s concepts are fairly tame compared to those that Berenice previously hosted at a queer spa in Bushwick, in which participants mingled without clothes. 

Speed dating is all about pushing people to “step away from the phone and have actual organic romantic experiences,” Berenice said. 

It’s that face-to-face connection that has brought KJ, a Park Slope resident, to the last few speed dating nights. 

“I’m interested in trying to date, but I despise the apps, so I appreciate finding something that’s live,” she said. “The opportunity to meet a lot of people in real life in this welcoming environment is special and invaluable, whether it turns into dating or not.”

On that night, KJ—who runs, walks, and bikes, and cross country skis when it snows—felt most aligned with the “wellness warriors” theme. But while everyone signs up for their desired category on Eventbrite, they’re all mixed together when they arrive. Someone showing up to meet other creative souls will end up talking to someone looking for a cougar, or a gamer. Participants range in age from 20 to 70, Loretta said.

Everyone wants to flirt, but many are “terrified” of actually doing it, Berenice said. Planted gives them a safe and “low-stakes” environment in which to give it a try, she said. 

Here’s how it works: Women each get their own table, and men rotate between them, getting five minutes to make an impression. Everyone gets a sheet of paper with lines to write down the names of each person they meet, next to checkboxes labeled “yes” and “no.” If there’s a match, Berenice and Loretta will connect the two people over email, but participants can exchange contact information themselves. “We’re really laissez-faire about our rules,” Berenice said.

“You have the freedom to decide what kind of experience you’d like to have,” she said. “There’s really no pressure to stay if you’re not enjoying yourself.” People can leave if their social battery has run out, she added, or stick around to enjoy an open mic night and some tofu curry afterwards.

“It’s pretty painless because you’re only paired with someone for five minutes,” KJ told me. “How bad can it be to talk to someone for five minutes? Because you get to maybe talk to 10 different people, it’s just an opportunity to have these different social encounters that expand your ability to connect with people.”

As Berenice and Loretta went to kick off the party, I wandered up to a few young guys trepidatiously hovering near the front of the room. One discovered the event on Eventbrite, while the other’s roommate had found it and urged him to go. 

“I’ve never done this before so at first I was chafing at the idea, but I also thought, ‘No, I need to get myself out there in a more intentional way than just waiting to meet somebody,’” he told me.

My new friends started their rounds, but I hung back. Berenice had encouraged me to take part in the event, but despite her and KJ’s assurances, I was nervous.

I sat next to  Berenice to observe her as she emcee’d, but she again pushed me to join the rotation. This time, I relented—the second glass of wine in my hand played a role. Berenice handed me my sheet of paper and pen, and directed me to a girl around my age sitting alone at a table. I took a breath and jumped in. The conversation was lovely and my nerves faded quickly. They re-emerged every time I got up to greet a new woman, but I found myself wanting more time to converse each time Berenice rang her bell to tell us it was time to move on.

I talked to six women, some my age and some around twice my age. I spoke a little French with a woman from Lyon, landed some jokes, and even spent an extra five minutes with a teacher from The Bronx. I was proud of myself. 

In the end, I did chicken out in a way—I didn’t leave my number or email for anyone to contact me. However, I walked away understanding the whole speed dating thing. Sure, it was scary, but I had six fun conversations with women who I likely never would have matched with on an app, learned about their lives (and myself), and shared a few laughs instead of stilted messages.

Loretta and Berenice also find themselves learning about love, the human condition, and themselves at each speed dating night. Berenice is also single, and focusing on building a more secure relationship with herself. But for now, she enjoys being a social scientist of sorts, observing the interactions of strangers.

“I’m open to love, for sure, and finding a partner,” Berenice said. “I don’t know if it’ll be through here, but it’s nice to be a catalyst to other people’s love stories.”

The cafe’s next speed dating event is on Feb. 19 at 7 p.m. You can check it out here—I strongly recommend giving it a try.